Very Private

Men, women and the mid-life crisis by jacqui Brandwynne CEO Brandwynne corp Special to Prime "We've been on a tight budget. Then, out of the blue, he drives up in a racy red two-seater he actually purchased without even consulting me. What's gotten into him!" "Is my husband going through some kind of menopause? He is always tired or listless and not at all interested in sex. I thought it was just a phase but nothing is changing" Couples may experience a whole range of dynamics affecting their midlife years. Midlife changes are well known to affect women as they go through menopause but the medical literature now recognizes that many middle-aged men may experience similar symptoms. Signs of listlessness, depression, fatigue, restlessness, loss of bone density, muscle weakness or sexual problems in men suggest the cause is a drop in male hormone levels. A number of studies are pointing to low testosterone as the root of these changes. And, just as in women, hormonal changes may also affect the emotional nature of your partner and result in subtle or more dramatic behavioral reversals. His hormone crisis It is a fact that male testosterone decreases between the ages of 25 to 65 by about 50%. While the male hormones do not level off as dramatically as female hormones, the drop in testosterone may be sufficient to cause havoc; not only affecting the male partner negatively, but also threatening the equilibrium of the relationship. When this happens, couples often tend to ignore the signals, hoping it's just a passing phase and thus ignore that more serious trouble may lie ahead. What should a woman do? Pay attention to the signals and become proactive. Watch out for changes in attitude or behavior. Is he working late all the time which he rarely did? When you're together, are you connected or do you feel miles apart? Is he suddenly changing his looks, hairdo or style of dressing? Is his behavior erratic? Has your truthful husband suddenly developed a wondering eye when other females come into focus? Has he lost interest in things he used to like and do? Is he just picking on his food or, reverse, has he suddenly gained weight? Do you suspect he's having an affair or thinking about it? Encourage him to get a checkup Don't ignore the changes. Open up and talk to him about your observations. Be loving. Be supportive, understanding, never critical. Encourage him to have a thorough physical check-up to verify what is going on. Androgen deficiency can be helped. There are treatments against bone loss, muscle weakness, loss of libido and depression. And let him open up It may not be a physical condition, his symptoms may be emotionally based. Again, good communication is essential. If he has trouble talking to you, you might encourage him to visit his best friend who lives across the country. Create a window for him to open up, make him feel safe to share his doubts, his fears, his disappointments. Let him know that he is heard and appreciated. If he's been depressed for over a month, suggest a visit with a therapist. Maybe he cannot understand what bothers him deeply. He may find help in talking to a professional a couple of times. Be a proactive partner Help him to spruce up his life. Arrange for little weekend trips. Encourage him to take up a new hobby, surprise him with movie tickets to the latest comedy. Start exercising together. It will help your bones, your heart, your lungs. Reap the benefit of exercise together, it releases seratonin that will increase your sense of well being and boost your libido. Pay attention! Above all, don't ignore the situation. Many men feeling isolated take refuge in drowning their sorrow in alcohol or misguided adventures that can destroy your relationship. Remember, life is what we make of it. For a woman or a man midlife crisis is just that, the challenge to overcome it and keep on enjoying the sweet journey of life. E-mail Jacqui your question: info@veryprivate.com or by regular mail to: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. (c) 2003