She says he's emotionally unavailable. He say's she's too intrusive!

A tale of two lovebirds . Robert's wife died five years ago. Three years later he met Rita, a fiery and charming woman, and a grand romance started. Within months, Rita was sure she had found her new life companion. She dreamed about marriage. Robert's position was quite different. He was committed to an exclusive relationship but did not wish to get married again. "Let's spend weekends, vacations and occasional evenings together," he said. "I also want time to myself and prefer living in separate homes." Rita secretly believed that, over time, she could make him change his mind. She loved his generous, caring nature and wanted more of it. As her calls to him increased and she asked to see him daily, his availability decreased. In her pursuit she tried to involve his secretary in order to find out what was on his agenda. Her aggressiveness clearly annoyed him. His phone conversations with her became uneasy. Finally, during a romantic get-away, she brought up the subject of marriage again. Robert felt cornered. "She completely ignored my feelings and the ground rules we established." he said. "When I repeated that I wasn't open to marriage she accused me of being an emotional coward and avoided emotional availability. Clearly we had different ideas about emotional boundaries." The rules of love Many boomers, accustomed to their particular lifestyles, have difficulty adapting to new partners and new relationship patterns. When a new romance starts, when all is sweet, issues of emotional compatibility are often overlooked until the intoxication phase abates. However, partners do not necessarily enter a relationship with the same level of emotional involvement. It is also true that some individuals are simply unable to share their feelings. They literally feel in danger when asked to let their emotional walls down. To others, emotional availability is second nature. Often, these individuals were brought up in an atmosphere where sharing feelings with others felt safe and natural. The path to emotional openness Being emotionally open to another person can only happen when individuals have come to terms with their own feelings, when they are secure enough to show how they feel and are able to be in touch with what's going on inside of them. Understanding oneself is essential if one is to read and understand a partner's feelings. It is this skill that enables us to ultimately connect and bond. Can individuals learn to become emotionally available? Yes. It starts with questioning ourselves, learning to understand why we fear emotional openness. We need to ask ourselves tough questions, such as "Who hurt our self-esteem? Who made us lose faith in ourselves? Why did we close down?" When we review these painful memories and put them in perspective, we can let go of them. As grown-ups, we no longer need to hold on to these mistaken beliefs; we can build our own belief system; respect our talents, enjoy our individuality, acknowledge that we are caring and worthy. I suggest writing down our list of one's positive qualities and reading it out loud daily. Sometimes it takes the help of a professional to rebalance our inner picture and learn to acknowledge ourselves. When we're in touch with ourselves, sharing feelings comes naturally. It is the key to connecting deeply with others. Jacqui E-mail Jacqui your question: contact.veryprivate@gmail.com Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. 2007 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.