Karen V. Johnson was a lifetime -appointed federal judge when her 27-year-old son died of a heroin overdose. Shock and grief propelled her to radically change her life – she quit her job, sold her home and possessions and embarked on a two-and-a-half-year journey exploring healing practices and how cultures cope with death. The result was a book – “Living Grieving: Using Energy Medicine to Alchemize Grief and Loss.”
Prime contacted Johnson for her perspective on using the energy of grief to begin a new chapter of life. Here’s what she shared:
“Death is tough for us in this society, we don’t talk a lot about death; we talk about the fun things … marriage, children … we don’t talk about tapping into the energy of grief to create a new life out of the old one. There’s a lot of pressure to ‘get over it’ sooner so things can go back to normal for others.
“We need to be non-judgmental – of ourselves and of others. You are going to feel pain and loss – at five years (past the death of my son) when I started writing my book I was knocked over by grief. But it took the death of my son to make me say I was sick of driving two hours two ways in the worst traffic in the country … of being trapped on a hamster wheel of success. I live in a house in the woods now.
“Maybe this month, instead of focusing on what we are missing, on what we lost, we can focus on the joys of what we can gain, focus on the future, focus on reconnecting with ourselves and take a bold new step into the future and change everything, or a few things.”
“Grief is a doorway to looking at life afresh because nothing is the same, we can try to pretend, but inside there is something telling us that it isn’t the same, its different. Some people say, ‘but all my plans included (my husband, or my wife),’ but that is gone. Think about what adventures you are going to have now. It’s just a subtle shift, but it gets you out of the doom and gloom of loss. It’s a refocusing and rethinking – “it’s OK for me to take the next step “– you’re not forgetting your loved one, you’re just closing one door and opening a new one.”
“In my book I have 16 exercises to help people work through the grieving process. Here is a simple one to help people get started:
“I have people sit in stillness with pen, paper and a candle in a pie pan, and allow [themselves] some alone time. Concentrate on the in breath and the out breath – when we empty out the old stale breath we are letting in the [new) breath, this is a metaphor for breathing out our old stale ways and opening our being so new ways have a space to live within us. Sitting in the stillness we can hear the voice inside ourselves that grows faint and are drowned out by the busyness of daily living and even the presence of other people. Stay with the stillness until you are in a place of knowing… hearing the subtle voice of your spirit… until the walls you have erected around your broken heart are open. When your heart is open, think about the people who might have judged you, or your loved one, who wounded you or your love one, who disappointed you, or your love one … make a list … then carry that list to the candle – or a fireplace, and burn it with the intention of letting go of all the judgments against anyone – even yourself – and allow the smoke and fire to carry your prayers to the spirit, the universe, whatever you believe in.”
