How grief affects estate plans

Making the process easier for loved ones

By Gina Barry, Esq. Bacon & Wilson. P. C. Special to PRIME No one knows exactly when they will pass away, which means that it is never too soon to plan. Those left behind are called upon to tend to your final affairs, including arranging your funeral, managing your final debts, and possibly even having to probate your estate. If you were to pass away today, would your affairs be left in complete disarray? Or, would you have a plan in place that allows your last wishes to be carried out with the least amount of effort? When you pass away, your loved ones will be experiencing grief. Grief consists of the emotions and sensations that accompany the loss of someone or something dear to you. Dr. Elisabeth K bler Ross categorized what has become known as the "five stages of grief," which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. During these stages, your loved ones will also likely experience physical problems, which may include physical exhaustion, uncontrollable crying, sleep disruption, palpitations, shortness of breath, headaches, recurrent infections, high blood pressure, loss of appetite, stomach upsets, hair loss, irritability, worsening of any chronic condition, such as eczema or asthma, and visual and auditory hallucinations. Sometimes grief reactions are so severe that they are mistaken for signs of dementia or severe psychiatric illness. Given the intense effect that grief will have on your loved ones, it is imperative that you create a plan to facilitate the handling of your final affairs. In addition to establishing an estate plan, it is important that you inform your loved ones of your plan. The person you have chosen to carry out your affairs should be informed as to where to find important documents, such as your Last Will and Testament and other financial documents. You should also be certain that they have contact information for your attorney, accountant and financial advisor. Your loved ones will face the task of compiling all of your assets, and this task can be almost impossible when the information described above has not been previously provided. You should also consider discussing the details of your estate plan with your loved ones, especially if you have chosen to distribute your estate in unequal shares. We have all heard stories of outrageous behaviors at funerals and thereafter, regardless of whether everyone is treated equally. These behaviors emanate from grief, and grief puts everyone at a disadvantage with respect to coming to reasonable compromises. Right now, you have the opportunity to explain your reasoning and to deal with any negative emotions that may arise. After you have passed away, your grieving loved ones will not have the benefit of your explanation. They will be more apt to argue, and countless families have disintegrated from the stress of handling an estate that was not properly planned. In addition to establishing an estate plan, you should also consider establishing a prepaid funeral. To do so, you must go to the funeral home of your choice and plan your funeral. You will choose your coffin, or urn, as the case may be, and you will decide whether you will have a large pubic funeral or a private ceremony with just family. You will also plan the details of your memorial service perhaps you wish for certain music to be played. You will then pay for your funeral, and the money will be held in trust to cover your final expenses when the time comes. When you pass away, your family will only need to call the funeral home, and your plan will be carried out with the least amount of effort required from your grieving loved ones. The planning that you do today prevents rifts in your family tomorrow. All too often, a person does not plan for their demise, and the task is left to their loved ones. This task is overwhelming and compounded by the emotional and physical aspects of grief. Having a plan will allow your loved ones to move through the stages of grief while keeping the family intact and allowing them to support one another through that very difficult time. Gina M. Barry is a Partner with the law firm of Bacon Wilson, P.C., Attorneys at Law. She is a member of the National Association of Elder Law Attorneys, the Estate Planning Council, and the Western Massachusetts Elder Care Professionals Association. She may be reached at (413) 781-0560 or gbarry@baconwilson.com.